Kids & Teens
Kids’ Place is a safe location for kids and teens who are victims of abuse or witnesses to violence to receive non-emergent, long-term, organized medical and therapeutic care, along with legal and law enforcement support. Explore our kids section to better understand what language to use for young children, or direct your teenager to our teens section to get their questions answered.
Kids
Adjusting your language is important when talking to children of different ages. Explore our sections below for different styles of communication with children 12 and under.
Teaching Kids About Their Body
When talking to your kids, make sure they know that their body is their own. Try these statements and see if they have any questions:
- No one can tell you what to do with your body except for you.
- No matter what your body looks like, your body is special and it’s only yours.
- If you don’t want to give a hug or high-five to someone, you don’t have to.
- Your private parts are private just to you.
- It’s okay to say “No!” if someone touches you or gets too close to you and you don’t like it.
- Nobody has the right to hurt you or touch you—ever.
- You will never get in trouble for asking for help.
Helping Kids Find Their Voice
Kids have one main defense against abuse—their voice. It’s important to teach your children how to use their voice, even if it might make others mad.
- Practice saying “No!” in a big, loud voice. Make sure they know that it’s okay to yell or scream if it means they’re keeping themself safe.
- Identify two to three adults that they can talk to if something happens. Choose people in their daily routines that they’re comfortable with already. And if one of those adults doesn’t believe them, encourage them to tell more than one adult.
- If someone hurts them, it is not their fault. No matter what the person may have said, make sure your child knows that no one has a right to hurt them and they should tell an adult immediately.
- For emergency situations, teach them how to dial 911 or activate the SOS feature on a cell phone. It is also important to make sure they know their full name, home address, and name of their school for emergencies.
Kid-Friendly Mantras to Repeat
Here are a few mantras that you can teach your kids as a way to build agency and self awareness.
- My body is my own.
- I can keep my body safe.
- I have a BIG voice!
- It’s not my fault.
- I am strong.
- No one touches me if I don’t want it.
- It’s good to tell the truth.
- Being honest is the smart thing to do.
- I am brave.
- I can go find help.
Roadmap to Finding Help
It’s not enough to have these conversations just once. Try to integrate them into your routine by asking questions and reminding them of the answers frequently. Try starting with these questions:
- What should you do if someone tries to touch you and you don’t like it?
- Who is the first person you would tell if something bad happened or you were scared? Who is the second person? Who is the third?
- Who is allowed to touch your body?
- How loud should your voice be if someone is doing something that hurts you? Can you show me?
- If there’s an emergency, what numbers should you dial on the phone?
Teens
From social media to school stress, to dating and hormonal changes, being a teenager is not easy. We know it can be hard to talk to parents or adults about sex, relationships, or inappropriate interactions online, so here’s some additional information for those big questions:
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Why is sexting such a big deal?
Once words are written or a photo is taken, it cannot be taken back, so it’s important to approach sexting cautiously. If you choose to engage in sexting, you run the risk of screenshots or nude images being shared among friends, classmates, or strangers. Consider the consequences and think before you send.
Additionally, photos taken of or by individuals under 18 years old are illegal and considered “the manufacturing and dissemination of child pornography.”
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What if someone says they have inappropriate photos of me online?
If someone you know or don’t know is contacting you online about being in possession of sexual, nude, or inappropriate photos or videos of you, you may be in a sticky situation. First and foremost, you did nothing wrong, whether photos or videos exist or don’t exist. Secondly, don’t engage with the person or open any attachments they send you. They may be sending you a false file that can give them access to your device or personal information if you open it.
These sorts of messages typically include an additional message of blackmail for more images, videos, or sexual acts. They may threaten to send the alleged images to your family or friends if you do not comply—this is called sexual exploitation. Before you respond or open any attachments, go tell an adult you trust. The National Center for Missing & Exploited Children also offers a tool to help remove sexually explicit images from the internet: Take It Down.
To learn more about sexual exploitation, visit our page on Commercial Sexual Exploitation of Children (CSEC).
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Someone online wants to meet up with me
The internet can be a fun, social place to connect with friends, but it can also attract a lot of dangerous people pretending to be someone they’re not. If someone online wants to friend you or meet you in person, there are a few questions you need to ask yourself before committing to anything:
Do you know this person outside of the internet?
Do your friends or family know this person outside of the internet?If the answer is no to either of these questions, it’s probably best to avoid this person online or in real life.
Staying Safe Online
With our cell phones always at our fingertips, staying safe online is harder than it’s ever been. If you spend a lot of time on social media, you may relate to a few of these questions.
Learn more about staying safe online with our Internet Safety Tips.
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What if my partner is making me do something sexual that I don’t want to do?
It is not okay if your partner is making you do something sexual that you are uncomfortable with, whether through force or guilt. You may not be in a healthy relationship if your partner is threatening to break up you, withholding things from you, or trying to control you. If you are feeling pressured to do something sexual that you do not want to do, leave the situation as soon as you can and go find or contact an adult you trust.
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Is it sexual abuse or just sex?
Sexual abuse is when someone you know makes you do something sexual that you don’t want to do, such as kissing, touching, sexting, sending sexual pictures, or actual sex, whether through force or not. Sexual abuse is non-consensual, meaning you do not want it to happen and/or it is happening with an inappropriate partner (an adult, a teacher, a family member, a faith leader, etc.).
Showing affection in a teenage romantic relationship can sometimes result in consensual sex. This means that both people agree to what is happening, are aware of what each other feels comfortable doing or not doing, and stop immediately if someone changes their mind. Any sexual interaction that happens after someone says “stop” or “no,” is considered sexual abuse. If your partner is an adult in charge of keeping you safe, it is sexual abuse.
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Someone wants me to keep our relationship a secret
Secrets may sound fun at first, but oftentimes they are actually lies in disguise. If someone tells you not to talk about something or to hide something from other people you care about, it may be time to talk to an adult you trust.
Sex & Relationships
Relationships are complicated no matter what age you are. Trust and communication are really important for a healthy relationship to grow. If you feel uncomfortable or pressured, you might relate with some of these questions:
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Who can I talk to?
Is there an adult in your life that you trust or feel comfortable with? If something has happened, you need to tell an adult who will listen and support you. If you tell an adult and they don’t believe you or agree to help you, find another adult to tell as soon as possible.
If you are in imminent danger of physical harm or sexual abuse, call your local police by dialing 911 immediately.
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If I tell someone about abuse, do my parents have to know?
As a minor under 18 years old, it is important to have adult support when you report abuse. When abuse is reported by a minor, their legal guardian is typically contacted to be present when you talk to police or medical staff. Remember, you have nothing to be embarrassed about when reporting abuse—you are doing an incredibly brave thing by sharing your story.
Please note: If your abuser is your parent or legal guardian, make sure you share that information immediately so police can take the necessary steps to keep you safe and separated from your abuser.
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What if it happened a long time ago?
No matter what happened or when it happened, you should always tell an adult you trust. You deserve to receive the help you need, no matter how much time has passed.
How to Get Help
Reaching out for help can be scary, but you never have to suffer alone.